you’re not who you’ll be

it’s pretty easy to get caught up in the image of others, so much so that we begin to own pictures that are not our own. i obsess over new artists and in turn begin to emulate their style in my music. more than that, i begin to think of my future in their terms. how horrific, right?

if you want to love who you are, you must understand a couple things. we are not who we’ll be and our future is up in the air like a balloon without a string.

if you go back five years, do you think you could’ve guessed what interest currently absorbs your free time? don’t get overconfident here. the answer is no. our world is constantly evolving, growing, connecting and breaking apart over and over again. whatever comes of that harvest is unique because the soil it came from was different than anything before and anything after. this doesn’t mean don’t keep a planner or use a calendar. you most certainly need to stay organized. but what i’m talking about is thinking you can count on yourself in the future to be someone you think you’ll be. we do not know who we’ll become because we do not know what events will transpire in the meantime. we are a product of our genes, yes, and we are also a product of our experiences (not to mention that our experiences can alter our genes too). stop putting all your mental energy toward those fantasies. instead, there’s a better alternative.

be the fantasy. i get so lost thinking about how i’ll be in the future. my expectations for my future self, a growing artist, are intense enough to affect the expectations of my present self. if i think i’ll be writing and performing music daily for hours and hours in the future, that doesn’t mean i have to be doing that now. why not? because i’m also in school, have a job, and am involved in a student organization. and fulfilling these expectations i have now are much more gratifying because the feedback is right there behind the action. of course, i still write, record, and perform music in the present because it’s what i love. the aspect i’m trying to change is feeling upset with myself for not having an instagram with concert shots portraying a screaming audience. or wishing i used fl studio instead of auxy even though the content is just as professional.

i’m still proud of my more simple, personal pictures on instagram. they retain an extraordinary amount of meaning. i just forget about them too easily in the greater zoo of social interaction.

i still feel that rush and excitement when listening to my beats. i just forget about their individuality in the bombardment of the music industry.

be overly confident about who you are now. this is the dream right here. this is the fairy tale. be proud of what you can accomplish in this moment. naturally, we all move to improve. so let that take care of itself and enjoy the fruits resting in your hands. leave the rest to ripen.

– D K T



life ends. why pretend

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